


Jughead, his hat, and falling in love

by overcompensate



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Dominatrix, F/M, Jughead Jones Needs a Hug, lice, this is a joke, this is a joke i swear, what do I tag this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:35:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24215287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/overcompensate/pseuds/overcompensate
Summary: written with linta (who still hasnt gotten her ao3 invitation)
Relationships: Betty Cooper/Jughead Jones, Jughead Jones/Original Character(s), Jughead Jones/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 2





	Jughead, his hat, and falling in love

**Author's Note:**

> written with linta (who still hasnt gotten her ao3 invitation)

Jughead Jones was hot. Hotter than most other boys his age, which he owed to the fact that his daddykins was the guy who did the blood hand sucking thing in that one movie about hot boys sucking blood off their hands.

“Let me run the serpents daddykins,” he whined to his daddykins, voice raising several octaves for a self-declared emo like him, to be acceptable.

Daddykins frowned. He had been retired from the serpents but he was also a control freak so he was present in all the meetings and refused to leave his Hot son alone.Jughead hated that about his daddykins, but his only other daddy was Archie Andrews and he had ditched him for Veronica Lodge, who had ditched them both so she could do Lesbian things with Betty Cooper. Their friend-group was awfully gay and awfully intertwined. They needed to see people that weren’t just the four of them. 

The reason Jughead wanted to run the serpents was because he had lice underneath the hat he refused to take off. He had told his girlfriend Betty (who he had now broken up with for Helin Richard) that he didn’t take the hat off for emo reasons, but that was a lie. He had lice, and he needed to control the serpents so he could ask them to buy him those lice-shampoos that he was too poor to buy on his own. That was another thing Jughead wanted to rule the serpents for. He was poor and in desperate need of coin. 

That is when he decided to get a sugar mommy. Helin Richard was a town famous sugar mommy and part-time dominatrix at the Maple Club, who had enlisted several respectable young men to fill the hole her husband had left when he left her, and what she lusted after the most was a certain Hot Bod with a penchant for lice infested hats on poor boy heads. 

It was elitist, but it got her off.

Jughead did not want to sell his Hot Bod for the coin, but he had no other Thursday night plans, and the lice were becoming an issue. He had traded in his daddy issues for mommy issues as he readjusted his patchy and slightly greasy cotton crown, begging the lice underneath to keep at bay. After all, it was a turn off and while Helin Richard dabbled in unusual kinks, this wasn’t one of them. Or mayhaps it was. Helin Richard considered herself the pioneer of kinks. There wasn’t anything she wasn’t willing to try at least once. 

His daddykins had long left the trailer, to retire from the serpents once more. It was his hobby, retiring and rejoining and retiring and rejoining and never leaving his son alone. Daddykins had a lot of time ever since his wife left him to wed a garage. It was an unfortunate discovery that Gladys Jones was turned on more by cars and motor lubricants than the engine at home. 

He knew that once his daddykins leaves for the night, he ain’t coming back. He’s doing it all; getting pedicures on his toes (toes), trying on all his clothes (clothes), and even though his boy will be blowing up his phone (phone), he’s going to be drop-topping and playing his favourite CD’s. That’s just what life was like for thrice retired, twice rejoined serpent Forsythe Pendleton Jones the Second (his mother had been drunk when she named him).

Thus, night rolls around and so do the gears of his lice-ridden head as Jughead slumps in his daddykin’s usual couch. Nursing a bottle of red wine, he had gone all the way for his mistress. He felt bad for his ponytailed girlfriend who was probably reading tragic fanfiction on Stockholm Syndrome to cope but, he had to pay the bills while his daddykins blew it on viagra. 

Helin Richard arrived a minute past midnight when the quaint town of Riverdale had fallen silent and dark, with the exception of a certain horse-like appendage of his. She entered without knocking, because she was just powerful like that, raked her hungry eyes over his still clothed Hot Bod and pounced on him, her ancient coochie roaring to life. 

Her past lover called her coochie the Pacific Ocean, because just like the Pacific ocean, it held 187 quintillion gallons of water. Jughead was in for a taste of some saline goodness. His flannel came off immediately, hat still glued onto lice infested hair (as in the lice were physically holding on to the hat because they were scared what would happen if it left). She ripped off the strings of her tightly bound corset, given to her as a care package from Sixty-Nine Days To Fitness (she had slept with the CEO). Their tongues battled for dominance as Helin pushed him deeper into their old couch. 

Suddenly, Helin stopped. She pulled away from Jughead, fixing her hair as she stood in the centre of their tiny trailer. Jughead looked at her as you would at a faulty ATM machine, which is what she was to him. 

Helin sighed. “My sweet oddball, you are holding back.”

Jughead scratched his head. The lice seemed to be doing the macarena on his head. “I-,” he paused. Took several deep breaths to compose himself. “I’m lying to you. I am not just the weird weirdo who doesn’t fit in and doesn’t want to fit in. I am something more. Something worse.”

Helin’s heart fluttered. Perhaps her vampire fantasies were finally coming true. She paused and baited her breath for his next sentence. 

“I have lice.” 

The room fell silent. Neither knew what to say. The air was heavy with tension and it wasn’t the sexual kind. Helin felt her scalp itch as she drew in a ragged breath before settling onto the couch and dragged the blushing boy down with her. A soft smile crossed her red lips as she spoke, “I have lice, too.”

She removed her hair to reveal another head of hair underneath, this one infested with lice. Jughead was brought to tears. Never before had anyone shown him this much love, this much vulnerability. He felt like his heart had fallen out of his butthole. Nearly crying, he pulled off his own hat, letting his lice breathe the first breath of pure air that they had breathed since Jughead was in the third grade. 

It was almost as if now, Jughead saw hope where once had been hate. He could imagine falling in love with this woman, starting a home with her. He could also imagine their lice falling in love, making hundreds of lice babies who would live happily in the joint kingdom of their scalps. 

But that was for later. Right now, Jughead would let himself get tied up by the woman that had bared her heart and lice to him. He could hear her soft hum of appreciation as she took all of his Hot Bod in. 


End file.
